How to message guys on dating sites

I was going to write about something else today -- I have a couple of big-concept posts I've been meaning to write up and get around to -- but, heck, the last post I put up was a big-concept post so I figured let's have a quick breather from that and get something a little lighter up first. I've been all too guilty of this myself -- sending super-long messages.

This topic came up as I got to an email from a reader. And what I found was that I was often disappointed -- I'd put all this time and effort into a monster of a message, and then... There are a bunch of lessons I eventually took away from those experiences that I'll share with you today.

Sounding generic The way to a woman’s heart is making her feel worthy of the same message you’ve sent a dozen other women, right?

You've heard this advice about your cover letters, and it applies here too: Please don't write a message generic enough that it could have been copied and pasted.

Ironically enough, if you could take the best of those women and the best of those men, and place them in a big room where they could sit at a table and ask each other questions in person – you’d probably have 4 or 5 new match-ups by the end of the night. All they have to do is get online every day, sitting on their princess throne and file through the dozens or more profiles of men who have messaged them throughout the day.To get some insight into what women go through on these dating websites, I pulled aside one of my family members who I knew had spent some time on these sites looking for her future spouse.OKCupid's data shows that men receive replies to about 20-50% of their online dating messages, depending on their attractiveness — and I'm going to go out on a limb and say most would like to move that number up to 100%.While sometimes it's your profile that makes women think twice, I can also attest that your message itself can kill your chances of a response.As someone who has been on the receiving end, here are some mistakes that have made me hit “delete” or, in the worst cases, “block” on my online dating messages.1.The problem with online dating is that you can’t see the person’s face when they’re telling you about themselves. I think it’s hard for guys to comprehend the world of online dating from a woman’s perspective. They then flippantly toss out all of those well thought out, carefully crafted messages from most of those poor schmucks, and then they log onto their Facebook accounts to complain to their girlfriends that there are no “good men” left in the world.

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